Shannon: [00:00:00] Hi, I’m Shannon McNair, guest host this week on Let’s Talk About Your Breasts, and we’re talking with Amber Gonzalez, who was diagnosed with breast cancer at 34. We’ll talk about how she talked with her children and what she shared and didn’t share with them, how the cold cap helped her get through that diagnosis and look as normal as possible for her children, and how she got through it with the support of her family and her mother in particular. And if this story moves you, please consider going to therose.org and making a donation or scheduling your mammogram.
Amber, welcome to our podcast. We’re glad you’re here today.
Amber: Thank you.
Shannon: Wonderful. So we’re gonna talk a little bit about your specific journey with breast cancer as a 34-year-old, which is not common, unfortunately becoming more and more common. So you found a lump.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: Not through a breast check, officially your own breast check, but just- I- … talk about that a little bit …
Amber: I actually, it was very random. I had just a random little itch, and my hand kinda swept across, and I felt this little lump. It [00:01:00] felt like a pea-sized lump, and I was like, “Okay, that’s a little weird.”
Shannon: That’s new.
Amber: Yeah, so then I kinda just waited a little bit. I was like, “Maybe it’s just something weird going on with my body.” Didn’t go away, so I was like, “Okay, I’m gonna call. I’m gonna call my doctor,” so got a Well Women’s, and it kinda just snowballed from there. At first she was like, “You know, you’re young.”
Shannon: Right.
Amber: “You don’t have any history. Maybe it’s just fibrous tissue at your age, you know?” Yeah. And I was like, “Okay.” So then we went in-
Shannon: But she still sent you… wanted you to get your mammogram, which I think-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: is important, ’cause sometimes-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: the, the, uh, obstacle there is, like, you’re young, and let’s wait longer. And let- or let’s wait a, and give it a year and see what’s happening instead of.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: But she was smart enough-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: and clear-
Amber: She was like, “Just to be safe”
Shannon: … to have, like, let, let’s be safe. And so you went and got a sc- what would be a screening mammogra- or a, a mammogram-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: just to see what was going on there. Yeah, so then what happened with that, unfortunately?
Amber: And then I had the mammogram. They then also did a ultrasound.
Shannon: Right.
Amber: And then they had another person come in, and they just kept on looking, and I was like, “Ugh,” I got that feeling in my stomach.
Shannon: Right.
Amber: [00:02:00] And then they’re like, “So we’re gonna go ahead and refer you to a specialist. Um, we’re also going to- Give you a, a biopsy. We’re gonna cu- schedule you to come back in to get a biopsy done.” Okay. And I was like, “Okay.” I was like, “So f- this is the direction, this is the direction we’re going.”
Shannon: Right.
Amber: So that’s what happened. Came in, got a biopsy. Um, it was on my right side. Had that done. Then they referred me to my, um, oncologist, and then I went to, uh, Texas Oncology for treatment.
Shannon: Okay. Um- And so what breast cancer was it? What was the-
Amber: TNBC.
Shannon: Okay.
Amber: Triple negative.
Shannon: Triple negative, okay. Which is, um, an aggressive breast, a more aggressive breast cancer. But you-
Amber: Yeah …
Shannon: what, early stage was it that you found, or do you know?
Amber: Um, so I had a stage two, grade three.
Shannon: Okay. Okay.
Amber: So it was, um, I had … My mass that I’d actually found was about two centimeters-
Shannon: Okay …
Amber: but there was actually more masses more, um, centered towards, like, the, uh, nipple area-
Shannon: Right …
Amber: um, that I didn’t even feel-
Shannon: That you.
Amber: Yeah … that they were there.
Shannon: You didn’t know about.
Amber: Yeah. Yeah. So I had-
Shannon: Gotcha …
Amber: those two.
Shannon: So [00:03:00] you, so what was your treatment process like then with that stage and that triple negative?
Amber: So, uh, my treatment was I had 12 rounds of what they call Taxol and Carbo. I can’t say the names. They-
Shannon: That’s right. Yep.
Amber: You know?
Shannon: Same.
Amber: But, uh, I had 12 rounds of that, and then I went on to four rounds of AC, which is what they call the Red Devil.
Shannon: The Red, yeah. When-
Amber: And I had that.
Shannon: Yeah, everyone knows it as the Red Devil.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: For people who don’t know or haven’t listened to a podcast before, that’s a, a rougher chemo-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: experience than, than the other that you had started with there. So yeah-
Amber: Yeah.
Shannon: Hence the name. It’s red.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: And no one-
Amber: It is red.
Shannon: And- And, and you think about it being the devil when you’re going through it, for sure.
Amber: Yeah. Yes. Um-
Shannon: So you had four rounds of that?
Amber: Yes, I had four rounds-
Shannon: Wow, okay …
Amber: of that. And then I, um, was scheduled for my surgery in January, and I had January 2025 is when I had my surgery.
Shannon: Wonderful. So all good now. You’re on-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: on the road to recovery now, which is great.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: But at 34, that must have … You don’t have friends who are going through-
Amber: No …
Shannon: this like other women who are older wouldn’t have it. [00:04:00] Maybe they’ve known someone who’s gone through it as a friend or family member. So you’re out there. What was that like for you just starting that journey, telling your family what was happening?
Amber: Mm.
Shannon: This is something that’s not on anyone’s radar-
Amber: No …
Shannon: at that age.
Amber: It’s actually, I did actually have one friend, but she was 36. Um, she actually had the whole thing, whole process and everything-
Shannon: Wow …
Amber: a year before me.
Shannon: Wow, okay.
Amber: So that was the person I immediately turned to, and I was like, “Hey, what do I do? What’s-
Shannon: Oh, that’s, that’s such a blessing …
Amber: what am I looking at?” You know?
Shannon: Yeah, yeah.
Amber: And, um, she kinda just gave me the rundown of, “Hey, this is what’s gonna happen, you know. This is how you’re probably gonna feel. Everybody’s different,” you know?
Shannon: Sure. Yeah.
Amber: So, um- Everyone’s different.
Shannon: And her treatment was probably different than yours too-
Amber: Yeah.
Shannon: On some level.
Amber: She was actually triple positive.
Shannon: Okay.
Amber: So it was just, you know, um-
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: She’s good now. Good. She’s good, too. Um, but- My mom was my support.
Shannon: Absolutely, yeah. That, as a human, which I can’t imagine her being in that role is r- difficult-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: for mom to watch you do that.
Amber: Ugh, yes.
Shannon: And you also had, you also are a mother.
Amber: Yes, I am.
Shannon: So you understand that, too. So what was that like with your children? I [00:05:00] know you s- some knew and some maybe didn’t know exactly what was happening.
Amber: So my oldest-
Shannon: Their ages …
Amber: um, she kind of knew what was going on. She was at that age where she could k- understand me s- going to a bunch of appointments.
Shannon: Right.
Amber: So she knew what was going on. I kinda sat down and talked to her. Uh, that was a hard conversation, but she was just, you know, she was like, “You’re gonna be fine, Mom.”
Shannon: That’s- Yeah … no- nothing anyone wants to d- talk about with their children, for sure. And then you have two younger.
Amber: Yes. Um, they were, uh, they didn’t really understand.
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: They, um, they kind of saw me going places, and I would tell them, “Hey, I gotta go to the doctor,” and, you know, “I gotta go get myself, you know, fixed.”
Shannon: Right.
Amber: You know, “I’m gonna be fine. I’m gonna be fine. Everything’s gonna be good.” Um, and I also cold capped.
Shannon: Okay.
Amber: So, um, the first 12 rounds, I didn’t really lose much hair at all.
Shannon: Yeah, so you don’t look different-
Amber: So they didn’t really-
Shannon: … to your children
Amber: … yeah, they didn’t really see any difference.
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: They just knew I was going to a lot of doctor’s appointments.
Shannon: And we’ve talked about cold cap a little bit on here, and I think a lot of people don’t, it’s newer-ish-
Amber: Yeah …
Shannon: in that realm. And I think, I think if, a lot of people [00:06:00] look at that as a vanity thing, like, “Oh, I don’t wanna lose my hair.”
Amber: Yeah.
Shannon: But I hear from mo- the mothers who have done it, they’re like, “I didn’t do it for me.”
Amber: Yeah.
Shannon: “I wanted to look like the best I could for my children- so they didn’t see me sick-
Amber: Yeah …
Shannon: or see me different and, and put that pressure on them.”
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: So I, that’s, that was part of your decision. So what’s that cold cap process? It’s not an easy out either.
Amber: It’s- It’s,
Shannon: it’s expensive and it’s not pleasant-
Amber: Yes … either. And it’s not covered by insurance.
Shannon: Yeah,
Amber: it’s not, yeah. So it’s just, that’s another obstacle in itself. Um, so it’s, um, when you first go in, you, I did Paxman.
Shannon: Okay.
Amber: So it was, um, they have a machine there- that you kinda connect to, and you put this little cap on.
Shannon: Which is custom-
Amber: Yes, it’s custom- …
Shannon: made to you … fit to you. Which, you know, it’s just one of those things, like you don’t, you can’t share it.
Amber: No.
Shannon: You can’t, it’s not like you can buy a used one on the market.
Amber: No.
Shannon: So you have to put all this out of pocket-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: out of your thing. So you put this cap on that’s custom to your head shape.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: And then what is going on with that cap?
Amber: And then as soon as you plug it in, it’s just, you feel the rush of just cold, [00:07:00] cold, cold. And it’s just, like, freezing.
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: And it’s, it’s kind of excruciating at first. It hurts.
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: And then-
Shannon: Yeah …
Amber: it kinda goes numb and you don’t really feel it anymore.
Shannon: Right.
Amber: But, um, yeah, it’s, it’s tough.
Shannon: Like holding a c- a ice cube in your hand, you can only do it for so long-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: without that pain setting in and that pleasantness. But that, it freezes the hair follicle-
Amber: Yes, it does.
Shannon: Which helps with the hair loss. Which again, we hear from so many people that, again, it’s not vanity, like, “I wanna look pretty.” “I want to look normal.” For my children-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: so they’re not concerned with- with what’s happening to Mom.
Amber: Yeah.
Shannon: So, so that cold cap does help with that. So you- It does … so your younger ones weren’t as aware.
Amber: Not r- no.
Shannon: Like, you didn’t look sick, you know-
Amber: No …
Shannon: like you would’ve with, um-
Amber: Towards the last, with my AC, with those-
Shannon: yes …
Amber: four rounds-
Shannon: Yeah …
Amber: that’s a stronger chemo.
Shannon: Right.
Amber: And I did lose most of my hair with that.
Shannon: You did.
Amber: Yeah, even- But I wore a hat all the time.
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: All the time. And I had a little bit of hair that I would put, like, in a braid, and I just held onto that hair for so long. It’s kinda funny looking back at it now, [00:08:00] but, uh, they didn’t really…
Shannon: They just rolled with it.
Amber: Yeah. They just rolled with it.
Shannon: And so I, at that time too, were you… I know those, that wipes you out. And you’re-
Amber: I slept a lot.
Shannon: There’s al- you’re already mom tired-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: before you start this process. As we say, there’s no kinda tired like a parent being tired. And then you start this process, which is hard on your body. All that pro- that, was it a year? How long was the treatment when-
Amber: Um, I started in the beginning of June, and my last treatment was the very last week of November.
Shannon: Okay, so all, yeah, so a good half of that year- you’re wiped out-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: in trying to keep going with, with those kids. So it’s great that the younger ones… Now, do they know now, two years later? Are they of an age where you’re gonna say-
Amber: Um- …
Shannon: “Do you know what that was?”
Amber: I would just not r- they don’t really know. I just haven’t told them.
Shannon: Yeah. Yeah.
Amber: I haven’t told them. They knew that I was sick at one point. They didn’t know exactly what I had.
Shannon: Right.
Amber: I just didn’t think that they were ready f-
Shannon: Right …
Amber: to hear something like that.
Shannon: Right. Yeah. And they’ll hear it when they’re-
Amber: And I will tell them when they’re older.
Shannon: When they’re ready.
Amber: And be like, “Yeah- Yeah … I did go through this.” Yeah. And, you know?
Shannon: Yep. Well, and as a, as a mom, you wanna make [00:09:00] sure they know their history.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: You know, in case it is related to, right? It’s not always, most breast cancer is not hereditary. But, um, but it’s something to think of. Any medical history is important to share with your children. So I assume you self-exam, even though you weren’t officially doing a self-exam.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: Um, what would you share about taking care of yourself when you’re 34? You’re not getting mammograms. You’re not even think- That’s not on your radio, radar-
Amber: No …
Shannon: in your 30s, about what you can do to take care of yourself, um, and make sure you find things early.
Amber: Self exams. I mean, just monthly self exams, and just be in tune with your body, you know? Just always be aware of, you know, anything that’s kinda different.
Shannon: Yeah. Y- if you don’t know what your body feels like, then you don’t know what’s different.
Amber: Yeah.
Shannon: You know, f- uh, with even an itch. Like, you know, sometimes breast cancer-
Amber: Yeah, that was just.
Shannon: Something that happened … sometimes breast cancer’s not a lump either. It’s a rash or a swelling or just something-
Amber: Mm-hmm.
Shannon: Different.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: And you know what’s different for you, and, um, sounding the alarm with that. So is there anything else you wanna share about that time- Thank, thank for- … and [00:10:00] help, what help got you through?
Amber: For my mom, my mom. Um- She’s the one who kinda stepped up and just- Took care of the kids and was with me at every treatment-
Shannon: Oh, wow.
Amber: Pretty much every treatment. And sh- I’m just so thankful for her.
Shannon: Yeah. It’s so great. W- friends and family are always important for them to, to be there. And sometimes they don’t know how to be there. Was there anything that someone did for you that really made a huge difference? I know your, your mother taking care of your kids and all of that. Were there other people who came in and, and did things, or that you would recommend in hindsight, like, that someone didn’t know to do-
Amber: Yeah …
Shannon: and you wanna share with maybe caretakers or someone- Um … who’s gonna have a friend go through something. What can they do to help? What is the easiest thing?
Amber: Just be there for them. You know, if they have… They’re gonna go through all these emotions this whole journey. And just be there with them, talk to them. Um, just sit there with them if they… You know, they’re gonna have times where they just wanna cry, you know?
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: Just be there.
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: Just be a shoulder for them to cry on. Be a listening ear. Anything that’s- They would need just, you know, just anything.
Shannon: The first thing we [00:11:00] wanna say is, “Hey, let me know how I can help,” and then what’s, what, what will your response be? You’re never gonna want to ask or, or-
Amber: Yeah …
Shannon: tell someone to do something for you.
Amber: Usually you’re not… Yeah, I’m not the one who wants to like, who likes to like delegate, like you do this for me, and you do that for me, and I want, I need this help now. Like, I want you to drop everything for me. Uh, that’s not me.
Shannon: Right. And that’s probably not-
Amber: And that’s not a lot of people.
Shannon: … Not a lot of people.
Amber: Nobody wants to be like that, you know?
Shannon: Right.
Amber: But you also, and you also don’t wanna be a burden. You don’t wanna be a burden in this-
Shannon: Right
Amber: … situation and-
Shannon: And I’ve heard someone say it’s giving someone who’s going through cancer another job.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: Which is to, to help you help them.
Amber: It is.
Shannon: So.
Amber: It is. It is a whole nother job.
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: Um, with my mom, she actually did quit her job when she found out-
Shannon: Well …
Amber: about my diagnosis.
Shannon: And of course, you didn’t ask her to do that.
Amber: No.
Shannon: She jumped in and did it. That was just her. So she jumped in and said- “I’ve got this. I’ve got you.”
Amber: Yep.
Shannon: So she kept the house rolling as far as getting kids to school and back.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: All their kind of thing, I imagine.
Amber: She did ev- She did so much. If I wasn’t able to do it, she was there. She did it. Um, [00:12:00] she took them to practices, to games, to-
Shannon: Yeah, so their life didn’t change …
Amber: everything. No.
Shannon: They’re still involved as in, as we-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: like most kids have a stronger social life than I do. So they’re very busy, and they kept that.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: You kept that s- you were able to keep that schedule then for her- because she jumped in and did it-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: and didn’t wait for you to ask about it. And so I, I tell people that all the time, um, if you wanna help, don’t ask them. Tell them.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: Hey, how- how’s Wednesday for you? I got the kids. I’ll cook them dinner. I’ll pick them up at school, and you can e- whether it’s sleep- … whatever you need to do, and you don’t have to worry about them for that day.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: Or I’ll get them to practice, or I’ll do that. So you had your mom jump in for that, I assume, for meals and all, keeping all that-
Amber: Oh, yes.
Shannon: Same routine for the kids.
Amber: That was our big thing. Like, we don’t want them to stop living their lives, so we just kept the same routine. We kept, you know, school, everything after school. She did pickups. Um, I did as much as I could.
Shannon: Right.
Amber: And, um, I was also working, going through treatment at the same time.
Shannon: Wow.
Amber: So I would be off probably a few days after my treatments.
Shannon: Right.
Amber: And then I’d go [00:13:00] back to work when I started feeling good, and thank God for them because they, they allowed me to take all this time that I needed to. Yeah.
Shannon: So your work was supportive in that way too- in the understanding that-
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: This is the schedule.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: And this is what I’m gonna have. I, a friend who went through chemo, and I, I hate to say is this a good day, ’cause they’re never, none of them-
Amber: Yeah. …
Shannon: are good. So I would say, is this the less bad day?
Amber: Yeah.
Shannon: You know, so you have your less bad days- and then your days where you really need to-
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: Take care of yourself and focus on your health and not on other things. And so you had a great support system for that, which is great.
Amber: Yes. Thank you.
Shannon: And, uh, so was, y- I know you leaned on your faith as well.
Amber: Yes,
Shannon: I did. Yeah. So how, how did that help out with you?
Amber: Oh, gosh. Um, I’ve never leaned on it more.
Shannon: Right. I think it’s when we real- realize how faithful we are, right?
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: When you’re, when you’re tested. When you’re tested. Um, and I know your family was part of that faith too-
Amber: Oh, yeah …
Shannon: and keeping-
Amber: Oh, yeah …
Shannon: that support system, yeah.
Amber: Yes. Um, sorry.
Shannon: No, it’s okay. That’s okay.
Amber: Um, yes, I have never leaned on it more, and God is good.
Shannon: Yep. [00:14:00]
Amber: He is so good, and He, I feel like He got me through this. He gave me the strength, and, um, He gave my family the strength. And, oof, I’m sorry.
Shannon: That’s okay. That’s okay.
Amber: Um, didn’t think this would happen.
Shannon: Right.
Amber: Yeah, so, uh, yes.
Shannon: Yeah, so-
Amber: He got me through this …
Shannon: He got you through. And so now, where… Are you a, a full year out from-
Amber: Um- almost? January 23rd was my f- full year out.
Shannon: F- full year of we’ve got the treatments, we’ve got the surgeries. Anything else we’re-
Amber: Um-
Shannon: Is all of… You’re finished with all of that now?
Amber: Yes. Okay. It’s just checkups now every six months-
Shannon: Yeah, doing the- … going on … yeah, keeping that checkup- and making sure, which you’ll do that for quite a while be-
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: But, uh, but you’re through that worst part of it-
Amber: Oh, yeah
Shannon: … with the treatment.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: Back to normal, um, schedule with those kids and that family, and that’s, that’s wonderful you had them to- to rely on, and some people don’t have a strong s- or, like I said, they don’t know if they do- until something happens, and [00:15:00] people step up and say, “What do you need? I got it.”
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: “Let me do this,” and so I’ll say that again to people. Like, don’t ask. Call me if y- call me if you need something- ’cause no one’s ever gonna call.
Amber: And accept the help.
Shannon: No one’s ever gonna call. So, yeah, so I’d say to everyone, if you’re going through it, accept the help.
Amber: Yes.
Shannon: Um, we’ve heard-
Amber: You’re not a burden. Y- I know-
Shannon: You’re not a burden … you feel like it. If people ask, they want to do something. Um, they want to do something, so you’re not a burden- to them. Or i- if they just say, “I’m bringing food tonight,” say, “Okay.” You know, let’s-
Amber: Yeah …
Shannon: let’s make that happen, and let them, um, let them take some of the pressure off- the, you know, what they can do, ’cause-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: yeah, we can’t, we can’t fix each other, but we can, we can support each other through things.
Amber: Oh, yeah.
Shannon: And just pray for each other as well-
Amber: Yes …
Shannon: too, and keep that going.
Amber: Yeah.
Shannon: That’s wonderful. Well, glad you were here. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Amber: Thank you for having me.
Shannon: Yeah.
Amber: Thank you so much.
Post-Credits: Thank you for joining us today on Let’s Talk About Your Breasts. This podcast is produced by Speke Podcasting and brought to you by The Rose. Visit therose.org to learn more about our organization. Subscribe to our [00:16:00] podcast, share episodes with friends, and join the conversation on social media using #letstalkaboutyourbreasts. We welcome your feedback and suggestions. Consider supporting The Rose. Your gift can make the difference to a person in need. And remember, self-care is not selfish, it’s essential.
